Reflections at Sunset
by tallie85
Summary: Set three months after the death of Voldemort. Ginny reflects upon her life and where she stands since Harry left three days after the battle at Hogwarts and hasn't been seen since. Oneshot, H/G, Angst.


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_11__th__ August, 1998_

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Ginny let out a sigh of relief as she finally managed to escape from the kitchen. It was her birthday and everyone had come to the Burrow to celebrate the joyous occasion, but even to her, who had spent her life in the hustle and bustle of the busy cottage, it had finally become too much and she needed to escape.

The world was just beginning to return to normal, if you could even describe it as normal. Voldemort was gone, his supporters were quashed, and the world was taking its first steps absent of any impending doom. Like any war, this peace had come at a price and many people were not here to share this time of joy with their loved ones. Hogwarts would never be the same again without Dumbledore or Snape or the many other teachers and students that had lost their lives in the struggle. Her own house was tinged with sorrow: George had moved back in after Fred was killed. His death had hit her brother very hard, and it almost broke her heart to see him so listless and lost. But the world went on, Teddy Lupin was living proof of that. He brought a smile to everyone's face as he was passed from person to person, changing his hair from brown to black, to pink and back again.

She heard laughter coming from one of the upstairs rooms and rolled her eyes. Ron and Hermione had announced their engagement tonight and it sounded as though they had escaped to celebrate by themselves. She was surprised it had taken them so long and grinned to herself when she thought of the charm her mother had put on the house should anyone get up to any mischief. She didn't think Ron knew about it, though she had no doubts Hermione was too sensible to get up to anything with her mother still in the house. She was happy for them, but the puppy dog eyes and embraces were beginning to make her remember all that she didn't have.

Sighing, she made her way through the meadow to her childhood retreat. She climbed an old maple and sat on its lowest branch, overlooking the lake. This was her favourite spot as she could see for miles across the surrounding countryside, but stayed hidden from view from the house. The sun was just beginning to set and she could see the orangey-yellow glow slowly sinking below the tops of the trees.

Not that she really got excited about her birthday, just that it was a good excuse for the family to get together, but there was another absence marring the festivities of the evening: Harry. The rest of her family certainly saw him as family, although her view was slightly more complicated than that. After he had defeated Voldemort, Harry had spent only two days at the Burrow before announcing that he would be gone for a while. Her mother had tried to insist in asking him where he was going, but he replied only that he didn't know but had to sort a few things out before he could move on. She was sure Ron and Hermione knew where he was going, but they kept it to themselves, no matter what anyone did, saying that it was up to Harry to tell if he chose to. Harry had said his goodbyes and left. No one had seen him since. Not even a card from him for her birthday.

Ginny had seen the conflicting thoughts warring inside of him. She, after all, knew him better than he would like to admit. In the time they had spent together, they had become very close. He became someone she could really talk to about things she had never spoken about with anyone else before. He opened up to her in a way that made her open up and trust him in a way she never thought she would after Riddle abused her. He challenged her to think about the things she had never thought about. She smiled fondly at the times when she pointed out that he was being a stupid prat, or when he just laughed at her when she showed him the finer points of the Weasley unreasonableness. She felt the heat when she thought of the times when they'd finally managed to be properly alone.

Now she just felt unbearably lonely, even as she knew he must too. Since her first year at Hogwarts, she had always shied away from the mass social scene, preferring her own company to that of those that didn't seem to understand her. But Harry had changed all that. She had got used to having someone to rely upon, someone to care about, someone who understood her, someone to share the meaningless and important things with. Something deep inside of her had told her that it wouldn't last for long with Tom still alive, Harry had too much of a heart for that. She was sure Ron hadn't helped those matters, either.

She tried not to think too much of that night for it wasn't exactly one of her most happiest memories. He made the choice to go this alone. She guessed she partly understood the need for them to be separate what with his connection to the Dark Lord and she definitely didn't want to come into contact with that again. However, by choosing this way, he had no one to share the burden with. Fair enough, Ron and Hermione were there to support him, but not in the way she could. When they parted, she had tried to tell him that she would be here waiting for him, but he just put his finger on her lips, stopping her from saying such a thing. Perhaps that was because he didn't want the memories to be picked from his mind, although she felt he needed something to hang on to.

She knew it wasn't going to be easy, anything concerning Harry Potter never was, but she never expected her world to fall apart. She was strong enough not to show it on the outside, of course; she was a Weasley. Still, she couldn't stop her insides from twisting every time she heard his name, or every time she did or found something she knew he'd like. Quidditch was especially hard without his reassuring and commanding presence overhead. She had heard that old adage, 'you never truly know if you love something until you lose it', but she never believed it until now. She really appreciated just how much you could take something for granted.

She had no doubt that she loved Harry Potter. She felt him so deeply wound within her soul that no matter how she tried to put him out of her mind and concentrate on other things, she just couldn't. Plus, it was almost impossible to stop thinking about the one person that everyone in the Wizarding world was talking about. Sometimes she really envied Hermione for having the chance to be with him.

On the good days, she'd tell herself that it was because he was a gentleman and it showed just how much he loved her by not placing her in harm's way. On the bad days, she'd call him a coward for using Tom as an excuse and wonder whether he ever really knew and loved her in the first place, thinking perhaps he had just played upon her emotions and just used her. Then she'd feel guilty about ever thinking such thoughts about Harry. He was the most noble, the most considerate and ... just best person she'd ever known. No matter which way, she could never drum up enough anger at him to wash away the pain, she just couldn't do it. The period of time she had spent at her Aunt's house had been one of the worst in her life; at least at Hogwarts she could help Harry in some way. Not only was she cooped up away from the action with nothing to do at Aunt Muriel's, but she had no way of knowing just how he was.

Then when he returned and won the day, she'd felt the hope begin to build. He'd looked so valiant, so brave, so _heroic,_ on that day. She'd waited for him to come to her; there was nothing stopping them now, no Tom, no nothing. But something was troubling Harry, something seemed unfinished, despite having defeated the enemy who'd been haunting him since before he was born. She had tried to talk to him, but he was distant, caught up in his own thoughts and driven by a mission she didn't know about. It hurt her to be ignored like this, to be pushed out, but he wouldn't let her in.

She felt tears begin to build behind her eyes and clenched her jaw. She'd never been one for crying and would never show such weakness, even to herself, but somehow she couldn't hold herself when it came to Harry. She leant back against the trunk and clutched her knees to her chest, letting the tears fall. She missed him, she really did. She worried about him, about how he was doing, where he was, if he was taking care of himself. She wanted him to hold her, to comfort her, to wipe away these tears that she couldn't stop from falling. She was sure he would be the only person that would be able to stop them.

She would dream at night of their reunion, her subconscious placing them in a myriad of situations. She found herself day dreaming about what she would do when he did eventually return. Her first thoughts were towards anger, but more than ever she just wanted to hug him, hold him and comfort him. However, she knew that this move was not hers to make. She had bared her heart and soul to him and it was his choice to come and fix the tatters he had left. She'd already given into her weakness once on his birthday, she wouldn't do it again.

"Come back to me, Harry," she cried through her tears, the desolate sobs making it hard for her to catch her breath. She wondered if this was what people felt when their partners died. She'd experienced grief when she'd lost George and her classmates, but this was altogether on another level. Still, at least she had the hope that he was still alive and the possibility of him coming back to her.

Ginny clung on to that hope as fiercely as she clutched her knees to her chest, watching the last sparks of light disappear behind the trees and the sun said its goodbyes for the night. Shivering, and thinking that someone might come looking for her, she dried up her tears and climbed down from her perch. She lingered at the base of the tree, her arms hugging the old maple, imagining just for a moment that it was his warm body she was being enclosed in.

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_A/N: This was an idea that came to me after reading the last book. I wanted to explore the feelings that Ginny must have gone through, with the addition of my idea that Harry would have needed to take a break after the Battle at Hogwarts to lay some things to rest. Ginny's character is shown to be very strong, but a human being can only take so much._

_Thanks for reading and please, let me know what you think of this. Comments and constructive criticisms are most welcome._


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